It has been 3 weeks since this all started,and I am still yet to hear an apology or the real reason why he did what he did to me.He doesn't respond to any of my text messages, he truly is acting as if I don't exist. This makes me both mad and sad at the same time, why is he treating me like this,has he already got someone else in his life therefore I am nothing. How can he be so cruel, when I have done nothing to him, I am really confused.
I want to hate him yet some many little things remind me of him, why can't I hate him esp knowing so much more about him,things he never thought to share with me, if you love someone you don't keep secrets. I am sure there is something mentally wrong with him, he so cynical yet at other times he can be so giving and thoughtful.
It is taking all my will power not to text him to tell him he is a pig and what right has he got to be treating me this way, he says he wants to be friends, well friends don't hurt each other like he is doing to me, he has to earn my trust and that will not be easy has my heart has been severely crushed.
I am really unable to think of any more words, for once I am speechless.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Another day
So here it is another day,after a another night of tossing and turning going through all the what ifs and if only's in my mind. I don't know why I can't just get over you, what power is it that you have on me. You hurt me and I am still allowing you to hurt me, why can't I just move on and get you out of my mind and out of my heart.
I keep looking at my phone hoping that you will ring or text me, esp today when I know how busy you will be at work, I subconsciously want you to ring me and beg my forgiveness and tell me how much you need me. but I know in reality that won't happen.
I am not sure how much longer I can go on like this, just when I think I am getting stronger and getting over you, a great surge of sadness sweeps over me and I fall back into my darkness. I so want to tell you how much you are slowly killing me, but it would not make any difference, you will not understand or chose not to understand.
My mind is constantly racing, never slowing down, thought after thought, it is slowly driving me mad, I wonder what you have told your friends, did you tell them the truth that you just left me without caring one little bit or did you lie and say it was me that left, who knows, I guess I will never find out the truth, as I am not sure if you know how to tell the truth. I question so much now,my trust I had for you has been broken,did I actually mean anything to you. I gave you my heart, I let you see my vulnerable side, and now I feel so crushed, so broken, so empty. I have those thoughts entering my head once more, I am trying to fight them,but i feel soon I may just have to give in to them, I really can't take this heartache and pain much longer. I know that it would be the cowards way out, but I really do think sometimes this world would be a better place without me, but for now I will keep fighting those feelings, put up a front that I am coping, that all is good in the world,but deep down inside i am slowly sliding into the darkness. I was hoping by writing down my feelings would help ease the pain but I think it is doing the opposite, it is making me think about you even more, I just can't seem to win, maybe when I move later this week, things may change, maybe after you contact me I will have a clearer understanding, but at this present moment,sadness, loneliness and heart ache are my only fiends.
I keep looking at my phone hoping that you will ring or text me, esp today when I know how busy you will be at work, I subconsciously want you to ring me and beg my forgiveness and tell me how much you need me. but I know in reality that won't happen.
I am not sure how much longer I can go on like this, just when I think I am getting stronger and getting over you, a great surge of sadness sweeps over me and I fall back into my darkness. I so want to tell you how much you are slowly killing me, but it would not make any difference, you will not understand or chose not to understand.
My mind is constantly racing, never slowing down, thought after thought, it is slowly driving me mad, I wonder what you have told your friends, did you tell them the truth that you just left me without caring one little bit or did you lie and say it was me that left, who knows, I guess I will never find out the truth, as I am not sure if you know how to tell the truth. I question so much now,my trust I had for you has been broken,did I actually mean anything to you. I gave you my heart, I let you see my vulnerable side, and now I feel so crushed, so broken, so empty. I have those thoughts entering my head once more, I am trying to fight them,but i feel soon I may just have to give in to them, I really can't take this heartache and pain much longer. I know that it would be the cowards way out, but I really do think sometimes this world would be a better place without me, but for now I will keep fighting those feelings, put up a front that I am coping, that all is good in the world,but deep down inside i am slowly sliding into the darkness. I was hoping by writing down my feelings would help ease the pain but I think it is doing the opposite, it is making me think about you even more, I just can't seem to win, maybe when I move later this week, things may change, maybe after you contact me I will have a clearer understanding, but at this present moment,sadness, loneliness and heart ache are my only fiends.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Love Lost
Just over 3 weeks ago I was the happiest girl around,finally thought my life had turned around and I had found my soul partner, how wrong was I.
Everything was going great, I felt his love,even if he didn't always show it and when he put his arms around me I felt so safe and secure,then we went on the holiday from hell,what was suppose to be a relaxing stress free break turned into my worst nightmare, where the man I thought loved me sent me away without any rhyme or reason. For 3 nights I cried myself to sleep whilst he was out at the bars drinking and having those girls rub themselves all over him,who knows what else he got up to. He would then come home saying how sorry he was and promptly fall asleep in his drunken state. The next morning he was like a bear with a sore head,every time I opened my mouth I was told not to talk it would be discussed at a later time,but that time never happened,instead I was told to book a flight home and go back to my children.I was gutted,this man who I thought loved me had changed. this was not the same man, all I saw in his eyes was hatred and anger, not the love that was there just a few days earlier. It all seemed like a nightmare, it still does.
For 5 days I waited for him to arrive home, in that time I removed all my stuff from his house, cuddled his cat for the last time, cleaned his house and put food in it, why I don't know, guess I can't stop giving, that is just who I am
He arrives home and nothing,not a text,nor an email, or a phone call, I was crushed, was this really true, I meant nothing to him. I sent him text after text, left voice messages for him. sent him emails but nothing. I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression, I was at a loss on what to do, this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the man who I thought loved me. Finally through all my tears,I felt anger towards him, how dare he dismiss me as if I never existed, I would not \allow for him to do this to me. He had turned my whole world upside down, all of a sudden I was alone, no man by my side to love and care for me to keep safe and secure, life was just too unfair.
I went to his house hoping for him to answer my questions on why this happened what had I done, it was hard to look at him, I felt such love yet such anger towards him, at one fleeting moment I saw that familiar look in his eyes, as if to say I am sorry I want you back, but like I said it was only fleeting. He then told me that I was too possessive, I need to chill out a bit and give him some space. I was shocked is this the same man who use to call me and ask me to come and see him because he missed me.So again I asked him what did I actually do, we were on holidays together I thought that meant you stayed with each other, obviously I was mistaken. This time his response was, that it wasn't my fault it was him, he was in the wrong,he had the issues, yet that still didn't answer my question why, why when we were so far from home,why would you hurt me like that,just why?
I guess I have to wait for my answer, he wants me to chill for another week, then we will talk, so now I wait, tying hard not to text him, to tell him how much I love and miss him, how I wish we could start over.My heart is still aching, but I am trying not to dwell,trying to get myself back into the land of the living,and pray that when Thursday comes he is willing to give us a second chance.
Everything was going great, I felt his love,even if he didn't always show it and when he put his arms around me I felt so safe and secure,then we went on the holiday from hell,what was suppose to be a relaxing stress free break turned into my worst nightmare, where the man I thought loved me sent me away without any rhyme or reason. For 3 nights I cried myself to sleep whilst he was out at the bars drinking and having those girls rub themselves all over him,who knows what else he got up to. He would then come home saying how sorry he was and promptly fall asleep in his drunken state. The next morning he was like a bear with a sore head,every time I opened my mouth I was told not to talk it would be discussed at a later time,but that time never happened,instead I was told to book a flight home and go back to my children.I was gutted,this man who I thought loved me had changed. this was not the same man, all I saw in his eyes was hatred and anger, not the love that was there just a few days earlier. It all seemed like a nightmare, it still does.
For 5 days I waited for him to arrive home, in that time I removed all my stuff from his house, cuddled his cat for the last time, cleaned his house and put food in it, why I don't know, guess I can't stop giving, that is just who I am
He arrives home and nothing,not a text,nor an email, or a phone call, I was crushed, was this really true, I meant nothing to him. I sent him text after text, left voice messages for him. sent him emails but nothing. I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression, I was at a loss on what to do, this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the man who I thought loved me. Finally through all my tears,I felt anger towards him, how dare he dismiss me as if I never existed, I would not \allow for him to do this to me. He had turned my whole world upside down, all of a sudden I was alone, no man by my side to love and care for me to keep safe and secure, life was just too unfair.
I went to his house hoping for him to answer my questions on why this happened what had I done, it was hard to look at him, I felt such love yet such anger towards him, at one fleeting moment I saw that familiar look in his eyes, as if to say I am sorry I want you back, but like I said it was only fleeting. He then told me that I was too possessive, I need to chill out a bit and give him some space. I was shocked is this the same man who use to call me and ask me to come and see him because he missed me.So again I asked him what did I actually do, we were on holidays together I thought that meant you stayed with each other, obviously I was mistaken. This time his response was, that it wasn't my fault it was him, he was in the wrong,he had the issues, yet that still didn't answer my question why, why when we were so far from home,why would you hurt me like that,just why?
I guess I have to wait for my answer, he wants me to chill for another week, then we will talk, so now I wait, tying hard not to text him, to tell him how much I love and miss him, how I wish we could start over.My heart is still aching, but I am trying not to dwell,trying to get myself back into the land of the living,and pray that when Thursday comes he is willing to give us a second chance.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Songs from the 70's
Last night I finally had a chance to watch the DVD that my wonderful friend sent to me weeks ago.
Barry Manilow: Songs from the 70's. What can I say but OMG what a wonderful dvd it is.
Right from the start I was mesmerised, by that wonderful wonderful voice, the facial expressions and the passion that he puts into every song that he sings. Each song that he sang provoked memories of a time long past, it definatley made my otherwise boring evening so much better.
No words I write could ever do justice to the magic that this man weaves, so all I would like to say is, Thank you Barry for the music and Thank you to my friend who always knows how to brighten my day.
Kim
One very contented Aussie
Barry Manilow: Songs from the 70's. What can I say but OMG what a wonderful dvd it is.
Right from the start I was mesmerised, by that wonderful wonderful voice, the facial expressions and the passion that he puts into every song that he sings. Each song that he sang provoked memories of a time long past, it definatley made my otherwise boring evening so much better.
No words I write could ever do justice to the magic that this man weaves, so all I would like to say is, Thank you Barry for the music and Thank you to my friend who always knows how to brighten my day.
Kim
One very contented Aussie
My first Blog
Well, I finally decided it was high time I started my own Blog, after reading so many other peoples.
Just a bit of background about me: I am married with 2 beautiful children and one ever so cute Boxer puppy.
I am freespirited and fun loving, typical Aquarian I guess. I love life and believe it needs to be lived to its fullest, after all we are a long time dead!!!!!
I consider myself a true Barry Manilow fan, not a fanatic like some of the so called fans that are around at the present time. I am into his music and lyrics and all what his music stands for.
I can not write about all the shows I have been to, as I have only been to one (it is a long way from Australia to Vegas) and the only photos I have are ones that have been ever so kindly sent to me via my wonderful friends who live in the US and Canada as well as England, who keep me up to speed to what is happening in the world of Manilow. Mind you after October this year, I should have some of my own, as yes I am making that incredibly long journey over to Vegas to meet up with the above mentioned friends and to catch a Barry show or maybe 3 (LOL).
As to what I will write on my Blog, hmmm, that we will have to wait and see, it will all depend on my mood, but hopefully you will find it interesting, even thought provoking.
By the way, I don't appreciate people who just want to leave nasty comments, there is enough hate and nastiness in this world and I don't think that it is called for on my blog.
Have a night all, way past my bedtime, til next time.
Kim
Just a bit of background about me: I am married with 2 beautiful children and one ever so cute Boxer puppy.
I am freespirited and fun loving, typical Aquarian I guess. I love life and believe it needs to be lived to its fullest, after all we are a long time dead!!!!!
I consider myself a true Barry Manilow fan, not a fanatic like some of the so called fans that are around at the present time. I am into his music and lyrics and all what his music stands for.
I can not write about all the shows I have been to, as I have only been to one (it is a long way from Australia to Vegas) and the only photos I have are ones that have been ever so kindly sent to me via my wonderful friends who live in the US and Canada as well as England, who keep me up to speed to what is happening in the world of Manilow. Mind you after October this year, I should have some of my own, as yes I am making that incredibly long journey over to Vegas to meet up with the above mentioned friends and to catch a Barry show or maybe 3 (LOL).
As to what I will write on my Blog, hmmm, that we will have to wait and see, it will all depend on my mood, but hopefully you will find it interesting, even thought provoking.
By the way, I don't appreciate people who just want to leave nasty comments, there is enough hate and nastiness in this world and I don't think that it is called for on my blog.
Have a night all, way past my bedtime, til next time.
Kim
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